Review: "Twisted" by K.A. Robinson

Twisted - K.A. Robinson

Initial reaction: I technically read this before I participated in #BloggerBlackout, so this isn't a part of my recent reading streak, but dude...are you serious? This book was horrible. I thought the first book was bad, the second is just atrocious and pretty much everything of what's wrong with New Adult. Ugh.

Full review:

Before I get into the full review of "Twisted", I'm just going to give you guys the short version of my reaction to this book. I didn't particularly enjoy the first one in this series, "Torn", but I was willing to see where this particular book went since I got the approval for both books around the same time. And I'm fair and forgiving when it comes to picking up a series. If I don't like a first book in a series, if I'm willing to see where it goes in the second, I try it on good measure and hope it improves upon even what might've been a frustrating and/or mediocre read.

Dude, I have no idea how this even got published by anyone. I don't know how it even became a NYT Bestseller. It's not worth the digital ink it's printed on. It's horrible. The writing is juvenile, the characters are one-dimensional, the pacing is disjointed and none of it is remotely plausible. If I'd paid for this book, I would've felt cheated out of every dime. Even the time I spent reading this was just...I don't know. It took me the longest time to figure out how I would write a reaction to this. My first reaction after finishing it was laughing so hard tears were coming out of my eyes because I thought "Could this be a parody of NA? Please tell me it is because if it's something I'm supposed to take seriously or think it's meaningful, I'm going to cry." (It's not a parody, just for the note.) My second reaction was frustration and horror that I'd even spent as much time on it as I did.

I'm going to do something of a short character summary of events in this novel. This might be relatively short for a review where I feel like ranting about it, but I think I'll let the dialogues speak for themselves. I promise you, I'm not exaggerating the tone for presentation or events here. It's truly this ridiculous.

Chloe's the heroine, Drake's the hero. This might take me a bit to telegraph because I'm having to check back over a few details, but - this book was so annoying. So supremely annoying.

***

Chloe: Oh la la, my boyfriend and I are finally together, possibly forever even if I'm not of drinking age yet. His name is Drake and he's in a band and OMG he's so hot. We have sex, and it makes me happy, and it's so good to finally have something go right in my life after my tragic past with the abuse I suffered. But OMG, my aunt is dying and my mother's a bitch and soooo jealous that I could possibly come into a big inheritance and she won't get a single dime. I have to meet with my aunt before she dies to go over the details.

Drake: I'm pretty well off too, but I'm worried about Chloe because her mom's a bitch, but I have to be on the road with my rock band and Chloe told me I shouldn't worry about her. I'm worried about the fact that she's reuniting with an old boyfriend, whose ass I would kick if Chloe hadn't assured me that things were fine. I'm on the road now, performing with my band, ran into an old girlfriend who's such a STALKER and just so happens to know Chloe's family.

Chloe: Oh la, la. I'll send you a naked picture of myself on the phone. Better?

Drake: Whaaaa? Oooooh. Oh crap, my bandmate accidentally saw her naked picture and I told him I would kill him if he mentioned it to Chloe. But Chloe's such a serious upgrade from the stalker bitch I used to date. Yeah!

*Rose's note: Trust me, it gets worse than this.*

Chloe: Oh, la, la, being without Drake is sooo lonely. And it's sad that I spend each moment with my dying aunt who's assure me that my mother will not get a single cent of her estate. When she dies, I ball into a corner and cry. The lawyer then meets with us and the estate's split between me and her children, but my mom's left with options to put her through a substance treatment program and an assurance that she will get nothing unless she goes through the program. While my cousins and me each get $600,000, my mom will only get $10,000, and only if she goes through the programs that are offered to her. My aunt's final message was for my mom to treat me better and not blame me for her circumstances.

But OMG, the crazy bitch blames me for not getting her share of the inheritance. She tries to KILL me and beats me up and breaks my ribs. I end up in the hospital, but oh no, no, no - I can't tell Drake because then he'll be worried.

*Rose's reaction: You'd think?!!!*

Drake: I'm on the road with my band playing gigs and my old stalker bitch of a girlfriend calls me to say that Chloe's been cheating on me, and that she has proof because she went to Chloe's aunt's house and witnessed it first hand. Even after I told her to stay away from me and leave me the hell alone! But she keeps throwing herself on me! I told her even if Chloe's cheating on me, I don't want anything to do with her. Then she tells me "You'll be sorry, Drake Allen!"

But all this stuff I did for Chloe and she doesn't even want me. Oh well, I guess that means I can go back to my life with my groupies...

*Rose's reaction: Oh for the love of everything...*

Drake: But no, I spent two days missing gigs from my band getting high as a kite and worrying everybody I knew. They even called Chloe to say I was missing. At first I had nothing to say and wanted nothing to do with Chloe, but then they said she left to try to find me and I got pissed. I saw Jordan, the "friend" she was supposedly staying with, and punched him.

Chloe: Oh la, la - I'm so worried about Drake! Even after coming out of the hospital with broken and bruised ribs and a beat up face, I found him, but he's so upset.

Drake: I'm so pissed that I confront Chloe about the damning pictures that my old stalker girlfriend (Kadi) took. She was practically hugging and in bed with Jordan, so I'm interested to see what she says about that. But it turns out he was just hugging her because she was upset about her aunt's death, and they were in bed because she had broken ribs and Jordan stayed with her because he was afraid her mom would come back and kill Chloe. I feel like an idiot. I didn't even see the bruises she had because she tried to hide them. And they looked bad...

Chloe: Sorry.

Drake: Sorry.

Chloe: I can make it up to you by trying to give you a blowjob on the highway. Nevermind my ribs and the fact I have to take painpills for the pain, they're not that bad.

Drake: Yaaaas. But wait, you're still in Jordan's arms even when we're on the road. This is not cool.

Chloe: Stop being jealous! But OMG, you're with your groupies and taking drugs and WTF is wrong with you? Never mind that my mother killed herself! This is too much!

Drake: Does it help if I ask to marry you? I promise I'll be better and I'm sorry I worried you. Please forgive me.

Chloe: Yeah, sure! And I'll have your kid too!

***

(show spoiler)



*stares*

Yeah...no. There are some things that happened between this, but I think I'm just done with it really. I can't say that I'll never read another book by K.A. Robinson, but it's highly unlikely. Not for what I had to wade through for this one.

Overall score: 0 stars

Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher.